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Toe Story

This is a story about painted and tainted toes. Each toe is funny and neither is mine.

Mary Ellen (Deedee) came to spend the weekend. It was raining outside and nothing good was on television. We girls just finished polishing our fingernails when David came in the room and flopped on his bed.

www.themiraclejournal.com "I'm ready for my touch-up"

“I’m ready for my touch-up”

“Hey, David, let me polish your toenails,” said Deed.

“Over my dead body.”

“C’mon, you can take it off with remover. I’ll just do your big toes.”

David thought for a moment.

“Okay, but only the big toe on my right foot, and only if I get to paint your toes, afterward.”

David’s big toenail on his right foot got painted bright pink. His left foot had a fungus going on and was best left untouched.

Now it was Deedee’s turn to get a pedicure. She lay on David’s bed with her feet hanging off while we talked, and David dabbed polish on her toes. David suddenly burst out laughing and took off running.

Deedee sprang up. Instead of polish, her toenails were covered in airplane glue. Two wads of tissue were mushed onto the glue.

Deedee chased him around the house until giving up the chase as a lost cause. She returned to the bedroom and picked tissue off her toes. The glue was harder to remove.

We heard footsteps crossing the living room linoleum. Deedee needed to get even. She quietly went in the hall and backed into the bathroom next door. When David came near, she planned to jump out and scare him.

“Boo,” a voice yelled from behind her.

www.shutterstock.com Not quite the sight that Deedee saw.

Not quite the sight that Deedee saw.

Deedee screamed. She turned, saw David sitting on the toilet, and screamed louder.

I ran out, and we met in the hallway.

“What happened?” I said.

“Oh my gosh! I saw David on the toilet.”

David came out of the bathroom, smirking.

Wolfy, the creator of the footsteps, ran to see what was causing the commotion.

“Hey, Deed, what were you doing, backing up all sneaky like that?” asked David.

“I’m so sorry,” Deedee stammered. “I didn’t know you were in there.”

“What do you think you saw?” he asked.

“I didn’t see anything. Nothing at all.” No way was she admitting she saw her male cousin sitting on a toilet.

“If you really want to know, I was only soaking my foot,” said David.

We moved back to the bathroom doorway. Sure enough, a bucket of water with Epsom salt sat on the floor in front of the toilet. The seat cover was in the down position.

Deedee could have seen David’s head and wouldn’t have gotten scared if Dad left our bathroom wall four feet high, like it used to be.

Lesson learned: Whenever a male quickly agrees to do something he’d normally never do, you better keep a sharp eye on him.

Related Posts: Chapter Eight: Walking The Plank

Now it’s your turn: Do you have a toe story?

© Mary Norton-Miller and 1950s Suburban Adventures, 2012 forward. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Mary Norton-Miller and 1950s Suburban Adventures with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.


  1. mikesteeden says:

    My lovely wife – a Celt I might add as I understand that to this very day they still comply to the legendary interbreeding rules – has the regular number of toes (thankfully) yet has but just 8 toenails. Is this the kind of story you seek? Jolly good post by the way!

  2. suzjones says:

    Too funny.
    I wish I had taken photos but my Garden Gnome used to let the Tween paint his toenails when she was younger.
    Funniest thing though was the day we went out somewhere and he wore thongs (flip flops) completely forgetting just how pretty his toes were and then we bumped into someone we knew.
    The things he lets that child get away with…..

  3. Glynis Jolly says:

    Question: Does Epsom salt work to get rid of the fungus?

    • skinnyuz2b says:

      Good question, Glynis. There hasn’t been a reoccurance since then, so I don’t really know. And at the time, as long as it wasn’t MY foot with the fungus, I didn’t pay much attention.

  4. Ralph says:

    So funny. What kids get up to. It’s nice to read that you were an innocent bystander this time 😉 xox

  5. C. Suresh says:

    I sort of get the feeling that knowing your family from your blog is a LOT safer 🙂

  6. skinnyuz2b says:

    Oh Suresh, I’m afraid I was usually the one at the epicenter of most storms. We certainly were a joking and laughing household. No one ever described us as mild mannered.

  7. Elle Knowles says:

    Been playing catch-up with your last few posts. Don’t know how I missed them but went looking for you this morning. My wordpress reader has been doing strange things! Loved the last three – you keep me laughing!

  8. spunkybong says:

    Skinny, that was signature Skinny. 😀

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